Changing ME...

I know I can do this...
I am at a spot where choices have to be made. I have to choose if I should continue this homeschool walk with Nathan. I do not respond to his ADD, learning style, attitude, et well at all at times and I want to change the cycle that Nathan and I are on. It is so hard. Often times I feel like the woman God talks about who tears down her own house with her words and hands. I am destroying my relationship with Nathan. I want him to feel wonderful as he is, I do not want him to think that he needs medication or anything else to be wonderful. I know he is smart. My husband even said "heck if he can catch a squirrel, kill it, skin it, BBQ it, eat it, etc then he is good to go, lol! Seriously though, I just want us to make it. I strongly feel that even if he were in school we would have the same issues, because he is my Nathan, and I am his mom. We are going to have problems until I change the cycle of response. Your fuse gets shorter after so many years of repeating yourself. YET, I love him and I want him to feel that. I want to be TEAM NATE'S # 1 FAN!
If we learn nothing else this school year, please be with me in prayer, that we learn that I love him and that he chooses to have respect for me! I will update about our progress soon!
Thanks!

The Body

Today was a day that held mixed emotions. Someone at church brought me $300 in gift cards! I guess it is a moment where it was super helpful yet I felt guilty. I mean we have so much more than so many. I did not ask for this, yet it was an obvious blessing. It does not take me venting to show that 8 people on one income is not always easy, lol! Yet, we have been managing. Mark about went into a depression. We do not know who the giver is/was. An elder just stated "as a church when someone gives us a huge amount of money, should we say "well, we are doing OK, we do not need this." or do we take it and be thankful for it?"
AWW how I long to be in the spot again to be the giver. My comfort is knowing that God knows that if we had it we would give it too. I cant be worried about those who gave, I can only be thankful. Although it is KILLING me not to know who did that! lol
They were HIS body to us and I am thankful for that.
How has HIS body blessed you .... He is a pretty GREAT GOD!

Our Family Member update

Mark- His mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and tomorrow he goes to the chemo doctor with her to find out the treatment plan. It is stage four with 1-3 years given thus far, please keep her in your prayers. He has also finished a job at Ft Knox and may have the chance for a new position, yet that will not be for another year! Money is tight, but we can tucker through this year!

Leah- Is back in a decent homeschool routine. Adjusting to the new two little ones. Trying to get back to the YMCA enough to make a difference in my energy levels!

Nathan- Is doing much better is SO many areas. I am proud of his spirit and know that he is maturing. School may never be his favorite thing to do, yet he is getting through!

Brianna- Loves her school work, loves working along side Mark at all times in the yard etc. She is having some heart issues with adjusting to my neice being here (the same age as her!) Yet she says she is glad that she is here and all in all is doing well.

Alexus- Is missing her mommy and daddy a lot, yet is starting to have an easier time going to sleep. She has never slept in her own bed and is only doing so at my house. When she visits at her gmas house they let her sleep with them too. So, it is almost like we are the mean ones, stinks. She does really well at school. Her teacher tells me that she is JOY! That is beautiful to hear. I am glad she has a teacher who loves her.

Brinley- Can go to preschool on her 3rd bday if I sign her up through her speech program. I have many choices to make in that area. I will miss her so much, yet I know she needs more help with her speech. I think I will give it a try and if it makes her sad or upset then I will rethink the choice. She may enjoy it and need the break from Jaylyn (my 2 yr old neice.) I stillreally can not imagine putting my baby on a bus, even if it is for 3 hours- 4 days a week...hmmmm

Jaylyn- really is having a sad time with the separation from mommy and daddy, she asks for them a lot through out the day. She really has a lot of fun during our school day though and loves the YMCA.

Bryson- is getting braver. We MAY have a walker by Christmas. He is getting more teeth and is a horrible teether...he has a hard time with it. Pain must not be his thing! He has become SUCH A GOOD BABY now...major switch in words from a few months back! He is so funny and happy all the time PTL!

That's the update...