Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Bridges
I feel like I am a divorced woman awaiting for a bridge to be built with my ex for the sake of my child. I am a foster mom. A mom who has been raising a little one for 17 months now, from the time she was 2 and a half to now 4 yrs old! She is to be reunited soon from what they now say. I have to start thinking about helping her to transition into her new home. I am going at this blind and with a heavy heart. I do not have a relationship with the birth mom, this is all new and it will be a "process" so I am told. I do however know this little one and I know she has no idea that she would ever wake up one day and not be mine. I am mommy to her, my husband is daddy and our children make up her family. I know that she is going to be sad if bridges are not built. I will be broken hearted if I am never able to share with her birth mom the stories that I hold dear to my heart in concerns with our little one. I want her to know the kind of oatmeal she likes, I want her to know how much she loves Toby Mac and how she is a worshiper with music. I have so many funny moments, so many personality growths, so much knowledge about this little one to share. What will my little one feel like to have lost the routine of how she was tucked in for the past year and a half? I hope a bridge can be built. We know that the children of parents who are divorced do better if the parents communicate. This mom struggles having a conversation with me. I do not know if the bond her child, our child, has with me is too painful. I do not know if she feels judged, etc. I only know I want a bridge. I need one, my little one needs us to put us away and her first! Please join me in prayers for a bridge to be built!
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My heart goes out to you... I know this has been a long and hard struggle and I'm sure this part has got to be just as difficult. I think b/c you are so good with writing that it would make sense (AND make a nice keepsake) for you to write letters to her mom. You could tell all that you want to tell her, if she chooses not to read it - then her loss BUT at least you will know that you have made an attempt to create that bridge. It will also give you a chance to re-read what you want to say and not have that worry of oh should I have said that and then not being able to take it back. I think you may be more likely to be gushy etc over M if you aren't saying right to mom since there isn't that relationship between the 2 of you. Be sure to keep a copy for yourself/bio kids Just a suggestion... we all know that sometimes just writing things out even if we do nothing with it can be healing. Praying for all of you!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I have sent a long <3 page> letter to her asking for the bridge...so we shall see! I even had the CPS worker approve it...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the prayers... This will be an emotional rollar coaster ride for all! A note box for her is a great idea... I do have a journal that I have made (a notebook) for her and I to communicate in... it is more of what M has done this week, etc. She in the past has never respnded, but God can change that!
In HIS love
Leah
Oh, Leah! I am so thankful for foster moms like you!! The fact that you even take the time to express it says so much. I know you've struggled SO, SO much, but what you've done and the love you've given to this girl is priceless. You've given her a family, even if it was only temporary, you've introduced her to the Lord. You've planted a seed!! God will work this out and give you peace. I will be praying for all of you!!
ReplyDeleteWell, you said that so well. I am praying for ALL of you. You have so much to offer this mommy who needs your quidance not only with her little one, but also with her others. God has blessed His sweet child with such a wonderful life with you. I'm sure that it is a thankless experience, but Christ is praising you!!! All My Prayers.
ReplyDeleteThis just broke my heart. I will be praying.
ReplyDelete~Amy